Criticism = Opportunity

By GAYATRI PAGDI

Of all that life dishes out to us, what is, perhaps, the toughest to eat is the humble pie. Admitting one’s error and owning up responsibility is, without a doubt, tough for most.

Criticism, whether constructive or destructive, is something we’d always like to forget. At the time it is made, it’s not easy to make sure if it is constructive, or vindictive. One needs a few moments away from the scene to analyse what has been said and why. In the meanwhile, it works better if you know how to accept criticism and see clearly whether it’s constructive or not. If it is the latter, we can quickly disarm the speaker and also “kill” their accusations with a powerful argument.

When someone criticises us, anger builds up. The body goes rigid and we breathe faster. It is important to stay relaxed and breathe slowly. Deliberately. In this situation, it’s also best to lean towards a person rather than pull back and not respond till one has had the time to think about what one wants to say.

Manage Criticism

• Pause and decide whether the criticism is valid.
• If it is valid, decide if you want to agree with them [“Yes, you’re right. I need to work on it…”]
• Thank them [“This is a useful suggestion/comment…”]
• If necessary, apologise [Now, that’s a tough one for many, but, at times, the most essential and graceful thing to do…]
• If you think that the speaker is on firm ground and suitably qualified, you can ask for their advice. There’s nothing wrong in that [“How would you have done that differently?”]

When It’s Untenable

• We could challenge them [“Why do you say such a thing?”]
• Ask for specifics [“What exactly have I done for you to say this to me?”] If they are simply being vindictive, they might not be able to provide any specific reason/s.
• Tell them that you do not agree with them and furnish reasons. Tell them that you don’t think their criticism is valid because… [Give your reason/s].

Criticism is an opportunity to learn from mistakes and also improve. Remember, if someone puts us down, it can hurt us only if there is an iota of truth in it.

Else, it is, quite simply, a window of opportunity that life gives us to re-affirm our self-esteem.