Care Rewards

By GAYATRI PAGDI

While caring for our family members comes naturally to us, caring for those who are unwell, or elderly or disabled is analogous to having an infant at home -- that one needs to attend to 24/7.

An illness in the family can be a major cause of stress, especially if it is chronic. Care-giving is a rewarding experience, but draining. As a care-giver for the past 11-plus years, I have a fair idea as to what it involves. It’s an exhausting experience, emotionally and physically. While you are helping others maintain as much independence as possible, it also leads to many conflicting demands and needs – and, can prove to be highly stressful.

When you care for others, you also need to care for yourself. The former cannot be at the cost of the latter. If you are not totally fit in mind and body, what you can give your loved one is not your best.

It is common to ignore your own needs because those of the other seem so pressing – but, you are not being selfish when you take care of yourself. Ask yourself what will happen if your health, or strength, fails. Where would everyone be in such a scenario?

If life forces you into a situation where your loved one’s health or well-being depends on you completely, here’s what you can do to ensure that everyone gets the best out of the situation:

• Take small, but regular, breaks from the situation. Indulge in a favourite pastime, even if it is only for a few minutes, everyday. Listen to music, scribble, do craft, write mails, read at least one chapter of a book, or browse though a magazine, get a head massage, play with pets if you have them… anything that makes you unwind and experience an emotion that is different from the one that dominates your life otherwise is good for you.
• Get enough sleep. A groggy, sleepy care-giver can be only tired, cranky and, at times, unkind to the one dependent on them, albeit inadvertently. Don’t let that happen to you. Make sure that you have some nights off and are able to complete your quota of sleep on other days.
• If you have someone dependent on you 24/7, get out of the house, at least once in few days. Do some window shopping, wander, visit a local library, or be amidst people. It’s important to keep in touch with the “normal” world.
• Talk to those close to you about how you feel, though not all the time. Communicating with people that love you and understand you is much better than bottling it all up. You actually feel energised once this happens.
• Keep active. Physical fitness is crucial for the care-giver. A 30-minute walk in the morning can keep you fresh and energised for the rest of the day. There are also techniques like meditation, visualisation, breathing exercises, or other relaxation techniques, that one should make use of. You are now more confident of handling the situation and, because your mind grows calmer, life does not feel so heavy anymore.
• Practice positivity. This is absolutely essential. Tell yourself that you are dealing with a trying situation and are giving it your best shot. Don’t leave any scope for guilt, or inadequacy. Despair and sadness are natural, but they have to be dealt with. One cannot escape or avoid difficulties, but if we don’t make an attempt to swim through them, they will engulf and also overwhelm us.

We all need to remain afloat for our own sake, and for the sake of our loved one/s.

The best thing is, at the end of it all, we realise that life might be tough, but we are tougher!